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First public entry in a while

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Dec. 27th, 2013 | 05:28 pm

I've lost sight of why I really created this journal. I went back to early entries, when I first created it in 2010, and found I had actually made many of them private. I'm not entirely sure why. None of the entries I locked contained anything I can remember wanting to hide.

My first entry:

I've had a friends-only account here for years, and I think it's about time that I went back to having a public blog that focuses on my goals, reading lists, projects and other such nerdy (but positive) things.

I'm on vacation from work next week and don't have school to deal with, either, so I'm looking forward to being productive. Doing things I never have the time or energy to do. I want to eventually sell jewelry, so I plan on perfecting my chain mail. I also want to cook and read like a fiend, but right now I'm so exhausted that all I can think about doing is sleeping.

Later I'll post the first part of my Epic Reading List. Maybe the notes I have for the first book.

Not long after that I wrote about why I created this journal in the first place -- to escape the negativity associated with my previous journal. And that's beginning to happen with this one, I think. I avoid posting certain things because I worry it will upset someone, or sound silly, or people will de-friend me (but they do that anyway, for one reason or another). I miss livejournal. I miss making friends here. Not long ago, I created a journal where I would quarantine my depression and unhealthy thoughts (mostly concerned with my relationship with food, which has become unhealthy over the years). I sought others who were depressed as well, but it didn't really help.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of being ashamed. I have one journal for certain thoughts, another for more negative thoughts, another untouchable journal that no one reads. And I still maintain the journal that made me create this one in the first place, for the sake of keeping in touch.

At first, when I started this entry, I thought I would be saying that I wanted to take this journal back to its roots and post mostly about positive things, like projects, but fuck it. I might start posting about everything, without being ashamed. I'm tired of hiding from criticism that might not even exist. 

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from: vivaciousmuse
date: Jan. 1st, 2014 12:24 am (UTC)

I tend to avoid posting certain things too, and I also am hoping to quit hiding. After all, our journals are ours first and foremost, and we should be able to post whatever we want. :)

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